The results are in...that the results aren't in...

Unfortunately I received a call from the clinic today. Hmm….now that I see just how ugly that statement looks, I think that’s definitely NOT the right way to start off any statement, especially when you’re talking about your b/c!

Let me re-phrase - I received a call from the clinic that is doing the OncoType DX test, the one that will tell me the recurrence rate and determine whether or not I need chemo. I had my labs drawn last Monday and was expecting to get their call with my results by next Monday, so I was surprised when they called today. I had hoped to be pleasantly surprised but instead of telling me the results, they were telling me not to expect any results until the 28th of April! Apparently the pathology department had not even sent this particular clinic the tissue yet. This clinic must then overnight it to another lab and from that point it takes 10 days to a week to get the results. UGH!!!

So far, the toughest (or one of the toughest) things about this diagnosis has been the waiting, and waiting and then even a little more waiting.

I find out about the genetic test next Friday, the 18th. Those results will be more for informational purposes rather than impacting the course of my treatment.

So, for now, the most that I can share with you is basically not much!

TTFN! ;0)

Who said boobs aren't a laughing matter?!

Time for some humor & It's all about the Ta-Ta's!!!
Here are some fun boobie emoticons for you, courtesy of the blog Plastic Surgery 101:

(o)(o) = perfect breasts

( + )( + ) = silicone enhanced breasts

(*)(*) = high nipple breasts

(@)(@) = big nipple breasts

o o = A cups

( O )( O ) = D cups

(oYo) = Wonder Bra breasts

( ^)( ^) = cold breasts

(o)(O) = lopsided breasts

(Q)(Q) = pierced breasts

(p)(p) = breasts with hanging tassels

(:o)(o) = bitten by a vampire breasts

\o/\o/ = Grandma's breasts

(o) – = Breast cancer survivor breasts


Ta-Ta For Now! :0)

Time will go on...

6 months ago I found a lump. 60 days ago I underwent my 2nd lumpectomy. 6 years from now now will have survived the the most prominent time for recurrence. Time will go on, many events will occur and many things will change but one thing is certain for me, I will never again be the same.

I hate to admit what an impact this b/c has had on me, physically of course but mentally and emotionally as well. At times I couldn't tell you which is the heaviest. I guess it all depends on the situation or even the moment.

My menopause is in full swing and every day that I think I have felt the full affects of the lack of estrogen in my body it shows me otherwise. I don't know how long I will be suffering from these hot flashes but I can tell you that Thursday night I had "hot flashes" every 30 minutes for approximately 2-5 minutes beginning at 3:15 in the morning. Just as one would pass and I would finally feel like I was drifting off to sleep again, another would come on. This continued for houre until I finally got out of bed for work. My inability to have estrogen won't ever end but I guess, and hope and pray that at some time the menopausal symptoms will fade.

I haven't slept well since my initial surgery in December for a multitude of reasons. I am still not able to comfortably lay on my stomach and because of the lymph node biopsy, I am not able to extend my left arm above my head for more than a few minutes or lay on my left side for long. Sleeping has become a chore for me. I hate to be a complainer but I am exhausted!

Every pain I feel within the "ta" causes me to question if it is from the healing, or if it is from the cancer. I have occosaional pain on theother "ta" as well, which is not new and although the dr's haven't been able to explain it they tell me that it isn't a sign of b/c. My questions come with no answers, which lead to more concerns. Either way, I'm done with being in pain and limitations. It's been far too long now, and this is only Part I of the process.

The combination of 3 surgeries, not sleeping well and the lack of hormones is taking a toll on me. I look in the mirror lately and see a reflection I feel like I shouldn't be seeing for several years to come. I feel old and tired and worn out. I hate that I feel this discouraged sometimes and I still have such a long road ahead of me - radiation, possibly chemo, 5-10 years of daily medication, menopause, risk for osteoporosis, 6 month exams, & the possibility of recurrence. I hate that cancer will forever remain a significant part of my life.

I know that in time I will be fine, but I also know that I will never again be the same.

Stop complaining!

Have you ever noticed how it sometimes seems that if you aren’t complaining about something people think everything is OK? It doesn’t matter whether it's your health, your mental outlook, your love life, your friendships - or even your workload.

Is it that people are generally such positive thinkers that we assume everything is OK or could it be that in essence we are that small-minded & perhaps self-absorbed?

If you were to climb a mountain and weren’t out of breath when you reached the summit, would that mean it wasn’t challenging? Visually it may appear that way to those observing you but that may not have been the case at all. It could very well have been for a myriad of reasons such as your training, or the pace you kept. It may have even been because you took a break a few minutes prior to reaching the summit to gain your composure.

If your desk isn’t messy, full of papers and you’re not complaining to the boss or coworkers, does that mean that you don't have enough work to do? Of course not.

Not complaining is simply that – NOT complaining. It’s unfortunate that some people seem to believe that the amount of complaining they do equals the amount of merit their situation warrants.

You never know what mountains people are climbing. Remember how things appear to be may not necessarily be what they are.

Choices & Alternatives

The more alternatives, the more difficult the choices.

I was talking with 2 coworkers today and one asked the other, "Don't you think she is so brave? I just wouldn't know what I would do." My response was, "What other choice is there?" What's the alternative? It isn't as if you can simply admit defeat. At least I can't. My b/c diagnosis is not the worst thing that could happen to me, or to anyone for that matter. Yes, it's a bad thing and yes it is scary but at least I have choices and opportunities. Some women with this disease, and so many people with other illnesses have no choice. I am not terminal, or paralyzed or even handicapped for that matter.

I had just said to the other co-worker that this b/c has left me having to make some difficult choices and I really didn't like that part of my treatment and I thought I, as a patient, should not be put in that position. You go to a doctor because they are the expert, and you expect them to determine your treatment plan. You expect them to advise you, guide you, even take the control out of your own hands. You expect them to be the one to make the tough calls, such as, "Would you prefer a lumpectomy + 6 weeks of radiation, or a mastectomy and no radiation?"

Really? Seriously...which would I PREFER? Well, as a matter of fact, since you are asking me, I quite honestly prefer NEITHER of those choices. Just the same as when facing the decision of which dessert to choose I preferably choose not to make a choice at all and have everything on the dessert menu! With regards to my treatment, I would prefer neither but what's the alternative? Like choosing all the deserts, not choosing between the two surgeries simply would not have been conducive to good health and long living.

The moral of this blog is be thankful when you have the opportunity to make a choice. Consider the alternative; you could have nothing. Up until I starting blogging this evening (on a somewhat unrealated topic) I hadn't realized just how fortunate I was to have been given a choice to make. As you know, I chose the lumpectomy + radiation.

I read this quote once and tucked it way, instantly feeling the depth in the simplicity of it:

Life is the sum of all your choices.  ~Albert Camus
~ Choose wisely (my 2 cents!)