B/C + MRI + I.V. + Claustrophobia = Anxiety

What's worse than having breast cancer? Having breast cancer, being claustrophobic and having to have an MRI!

I had my MRI tonight, and it wasn't without a good bit of anxiety - at least initially. I think I was actually more nervous about a simple MRI than I was the day of either of my lumpectomies. I knew it would be close quarters in there, but I simply didn't allow myself to think too much about it ahead of time. Considering what I have already been through, I didn't feel the need to really educate myself about the "how", just the "why". That is until they called my name and I went from the chair in the waiting room to once again sitting in a hospital gown and being prepped for an I.V. THAT'S when I got nervous. I usually over-evaluate everything and now find it funny that I hadn't even considered the possibility that I would need an I.V. or the fact that I am claustrophobic! The I.V would be needed to inject a dye half way through the hour long test which would show contrast during the remaining half hour. In all they would take approximately 1,000 images.

The I.V. was in, I was on the table face down with my head basically boxed in and I wondered if I would be able to finish the procedure without first hyperventilating and having to be pulled out. I knew the wait time for an appointment was typically 2 and 1/2 months and that some calls were made by people who knew people to get me my appointment in just over a week's time. Of course I didn't want to waste the appointment or delay my diagnosis/treatment any further but still, knowing that didn't ease my anxiety and I seriously thought, "I just don't want to do this."

I usually go to my "happy place" of choice during a procedure. I must say, I have visited the tropical islands a few times too many lately. I'm beginning to worry that at some point I will no longer associate Jimmy Buffet, the warmth of the sunshine, a cool sea breeze, the scent of coconut oil, and a couple of tropical drinks with rest, relaxation and rejuvenation! Still, I tried to take that quick & inexpensive trip to the islands once again but just couldn't seem to get there. Where my mind did wander to surprised me and ultimately reassured me.

It may have been due to all of the noise, the clicking and banging of the MRI machine, or maybe because I was in Walter Reed Army Medical Center, amongst countless (far too many) wounded warriors, or it may have even been based partially on the fact that military bearing and discipline have been ingrained in me for so long, but whatever the reason, my mind wandered to those troops, to the battles they faced both on the field as well as those here at home. I've met a lot of those troops. I've seen them, spoken with them. I've met many of the families of troops who will never come back, to include the kids of those kids.

When I thought about it I realized that what I have to deal with is easy, even safe in a sense compared to what so many of them face confined in tanks or to hospital beds. I told myself to lay their, still, quietly and calmly. Even thankfully. I told myself to lay there as if my life depended on it. I did and as I did I realized that my life actually may depend on that MRI.

When you have to do something that scares you, or that you think you can't - do it as if you're life depended on it. Think of what others have already gone through. Oh, and definitely fight like a girl while you're at it!!! :)

BTW - I won't know the results of my successfully completed MRI until I meet with my Dr. next Wednesday.

B/C + MRI + I.V. + Claustrophobia = One more successful step taken
I've never like math, but even I know these odds are in my favor!