I started this year with a cold, one whose germs touched many of my family members over the holidays but I m not complaining. As a matter of fact, I am happy to have a cold, for you see, starting off 2009 with a cold sure beats starting off 2008 with a breast cancer diagnosis. I have beat cancer's butt and I will undoubtedly easily kick this colds butt!
Reflecting on 2008...
As I look back on 2008 so many of the memories are cloudy and I really do wonder, "Where did 2008 go?" I suppose the year seems blurry due to chemo fog and the sheer exhaustion I felt most of the year because of my treatments. I suppose that's a good thing in many ways also. Still, I find it difficult to fathom that an entire year passed by and for the most part, the only memories I can recall are linked to my cancer treatments.
What I lost...
I can't help but think about just how much I lost due to the cancer that once claimed a small part of my body and such a large part of my life. I lost far more than just beautiful memory making opportunities, I literally and figuratively lost parts of myself. I lost 7 centimeters of my left breast. I lost a few sentinel lymph nodes and I lost ALL my hair. I lost my belief in myself that I am "Superwoman". I lost the idea that I could take care of myself. I lost a huge amount of pride, in more ways than I care to share. I lost some brain cells and memory function. I'm sure there's more that I lost, I just can't recall at the moment.
And what I gained...
I gained the wisdom that the amount of pride I had was unnecessary and unhealthy for any one person to carry around. I learned humility. I learned that it is ok for it to be all about me sometimes. I learned how to ask for help and how to accept it. I saw how good it makes the people who care about you feel to be able to comfort you in some way. I gained a sense of peace and a much needed balance.
I gained the priceless realization that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was and that I am much more positive than I ever realized. I learned that people think I am inspiring. That awes me and humbles me even more.
Life' Lessons...
Every bit of cutting, every single ounce of poisoning and every inch of burn ultimately left me with such beautiful rewards. Why would I possibly choose to reflect merely on just the ugly scars left behind? Instead, I choose to look ahead.
Had cancer not found me, caught me , grabbed hold of me and forced me to learn some of life's lessons in a mighty way, I may never have seen my reflection as I do now. In the end, I gained the realization that I am Super Woman, Wonder Woman, the Incredible Hulk, Mighty Mouse and Under Dog all combined in one mighty and magnificent package labelled ME! I learned that I am a Survivor and a Warrior.
I am relieved that 2008 is over but mostly, I am incredibly relieved and grateful that my cancer is gone and that 2009 started off belonging to me!
Cheers and here's to good health and happiness!
