Tons to Talk About

Hello!

I wasn't aware how much time had passed since I've updated.  I haven't even been aware of just how much time has passed at all!  I guess post-op and pain meds can do that to a person.  So prepare for a long post...

Most important thing 1st - Pathology report is ALL clear!  No signs of cancer!!!  Yay! Hooray! Thank God! Yippee!!!  :0) 

Breaking free of the hospital - I was released from the hospital last Tuesday.  They truly did take such good care of me there but once I was weaned off the morphine, out the door I was booted and boy was I thankful!  I've been sleeping well, taking all my meds on a regular schedule and otherwise am being treated very lovingly by my at home team.  Thanks Mom, Dad & Will!!!

On the Mend - I am continuing to heal well.  Everyday truly does make such a difference.  I am in less pain and have just been able to reduce the Vicodin and rely more on the Motrin.  With that said, I am more alert and mobile.  Now is the really tough part - not to forget that I can not use my left arm at all and that I am not allowed to pick up more than 5 pounds.  Easier to do while you are sleeping the better portion of the day.  

Next Steps - I still have 2 of the initial 4  drains left.  Both are in my abdomen and I can feel that at least 1 of them is running through my stomach muscle (or lack thereof!).  1 was removed before my discharge and the 2nd chest drain was removed last week at follow up.  These remaining 2 may just end up coming out this week, prior to my next scheduled appoint which is on the 2nd of September.  I am on convalescent leave (military time to heal) and will be until the 14th of September.  

Visitors - Visitors are welcome.  I've remained pretty housebound but am hoping that will decrease as does the pain and need for Vicodin every 6 hours.  I do get out to walk but leave walking Honey to Will & my dad.  ;0)

Livestrong Challenge - Will, Kendra & Aaron participated in the Livestrong Challenge in Philadelphia on Sunday in my honor.  They each cycled 70 miles, much of it through oppressive heat and hilly terrain.  I am SO proud of them!!! Congrats and thank you VERY much!  The Livestrong Foundation, founded by Lance Armstrong, does an enormous amount to support cancer survivors & family members as well as bringing the need for a cure before our nation's leaders.  It is an awesome organization.  Check it out if you get a chance.  

That just about wraps it up!

Ta-Ta for now!

Today's Update

Ow! Lots of pain today, mostly in the belly but also in my back & hips from being in bed for far too long the past several days. I am up & about, walking pretty regularly and sitting in chairs almost as much as in the bed.

I have been blessed with so many visitors, beautiful cards, brightly colored balloons and lots & lots of goodies arriving in baskets.

I'm a bit irritable and the way the computer is positioned tonight is really making typing difficult so I won't write for long. I hate whining and/or complaining and even more so when I do it in writing.

Until next time...

From Tum-Tum to Ta-Ta

Yay!!! From tum-tum to ta-ta I am doing SO good! Yes, I am blogging on Day 2! I even checked out Facebook and GMail on Day 1! :0)

So today has been very busy. It started off with my surgeons checking out my sites this morning and removing the dressing from the tummy portion - the lower tummy portion that is. There are no other words to describe my surgeon's immediate reaction other than sheer delight and excitement. He is so pleased with his work and so very pleased at how my body is reacting and healing. He admitted that he had some concern about a particular area not surviving but he truly was pleasantly surprised after looking at it again today. I'm not out of the woods yet with that area but tomorrow (Sunday) should be the telling point. However, I will still have to stay in the hospital until at least Tuesday, maybe Wednesday. For the most part I don't mind, they are taking exceptional care of me.

The plan for the day included decreasing the amount of meds I had been receiving through my epidural so that it could be removed by afternoon. Once the epidural was out and I regained feeling in and use of my legs, this would then allow the folley catheter to be removed. That in itself is reason for great celebration! I used the potty all by myself ('cept for the nurse of course!) just like a big girl again!

And while walking I walked farther than just to the bathroom. With great assistance and while maintaining what would appear to be an uncomfortable bend at my waist, I managed to walk through the Ward a bit.

OK - after a day like I just described having, I need to get some rest!

Ta-Ta For Now!

TIC-TOC TA-TA

The recliner has been moved to the bedroom, the tray table sits next to it, a basket of magazines lay under the table, and another basket full of goodies sits next to that. My bag is packed with sleeveless, button up jammies for when I can wear them, snacks for when I can eat them and things to help pass the time when I'm not sleeping. The clock is ticking, the alarm set, just in case I do fall asleep. Will is still at work, trying to make up for the lost office time he will face over the next couple of days. We leave for the hospital in 3 hours and 30 minutes. Maybe I should be sleeping, but I rationalize that I will get plenty of ZZZ's in a few more hours during the 8 hour surgery, plus recovery time.

TIC-TOC TA-TA

My tummy. Well, not really. Not at all actually. Trust me, mine does not look nearly as cute or as lovable as this one...at least not right now. I am healing well from the delay surgery and soon there will be no more of a delay. The procedure is in 4 days, and yes, I am counting down. Last Thursday night I said to my self, this is the last Thursday night that I will ever have this breast.

I am not nervous about my surgery - I am afraid of it. More specifically, I am afraid of the degree of pain it will cause me to be in and for the length of time I will suffer from it. I have been receiving countless pep talks, and I appreciate each and every one of them, but the fear is still within me.

I have been told that I've been through worse, and to remember that, but honestly, I can't recall ever having been through worse. I know that I experienced chemotherapy, radiation, and numerous surgeries. I imagine that I will always remember those days very vividly. But what I can't remember is when did I go through worse than what I am about to endure? When did I ever have a part of my body cut off and removed?

Actually, the mastectomy itself, the removal of my breast tissue, will not be the painful part. What will be the painful part is the reconstruction - the removal of the majority of my abdomen and the cutting of at least 2 stomach muscles to tunnel it to the transplant location where it will be skillfully created into my new breast.

Yes, I am a tough cookie. Yes, I am a warrior. Yes, I am strong. I am a quick healer and a good patient. And yes, I am all those other positive things that I am being reminded of. But yes, I am still frightened.

Pardon the "Delay"

My surgery was Tuesday and all went well, although not quite what I had expected.

During pre-op the week prior my surgeon told me that I would require a "pre" procedure called a vascular delay. This initial surgery would prep me for the mastectomy and tram flap reconstruction by temporarily clamping off my femoral artery, forcing it to swell so that when the transplant occurs it would provide better blood flow, helping the tissue to take. This was to be done through two small incisions made in my groin. The mastectomy and tram flap reconstruction is now scheduled for the 13th of August.

Tuesday morning rolled around with a report time of 0500 and an estimated 0700 procedure. Will & Kelly were at my side. I was relatively calm, unfortunately I've been through way too many surgeries and have the routine down to a predictable pattern. What I didn't predict though was that my surgeon would make a decision based on the very latest of medical findings and also "lift" some muscle while there yet again better preparing me for the tram flap. This new course of action resulted in a low incision literally from hip to hip, closed with staples.

I stayed overnight at Walter Reed where they did a fantastic job taking care of me and managing my pain. Because no muscle was cut (yet!) it is uncomfortable to move, but not dang near impossible. I managed to pull myself out of bed with lots of assistance and walked around the ward 3 times the first night.

I've been home recuperating the past several days where, once again thanks to the marvels of medicine, I have been relatively pain free and getting LOTS of sleep. There are moments of sudden intense pain from certain movements but thankfully, those moments are fleeting and don't happen too often.

Thank you so much for all of the prayers and well wishes. It uplifts my family and loved ones too.

A Father's Poem

My dad is not necessarily a man of many sentimental words,
but when he speaks from his heart, he never fails to say just the
right thing.

I have a chalk board in my kitchen that my mom & dad always leave
a note on at the end of each visit. He created this poem and gave me
these words when they were preparing to leave after New Years...


A Father's Poem
2 January 2009

The papers we burned at the end of '08
were things we wanted to eliminate

Bringing forward to the brand new Year
only good health, loving family and good cheer

As your curly hair grows out and your health rebounds
Remember that Mom & Dad are always around

Our love for you only grows and grows,
where it ends nobody knows.

Farewell 2008! Hello 2009!

I started this year with a cold, one whose germs touched many of my family members over the holidays but I m not complaining. As a matter of fact, I am happy to have a cold, for you see, starting off 2009 with a cold sure beats starting off 2008 with a breast cancer diagnosis. I have beat cancer's butt and I will undoubtedly easily kick this colds butt!

Reflecting on 2008...

As I look back on 2008 so many of the memories are cloudy and I really do wonder, "Where did 2008 go?" I suppose the year seems blurry due to chemo fog and the sheer exhaustion I felt most of the year because of my treatments. I suppose that's a good thing in many ways also. Still, I find it difficult to fathom that an entire year passed by and for the most part, the only memories I can recall are linked to my cancer treatments.

What I lost...

I can't help but think about just how much I lost due to the cancer that once claimed a small part of my body and such a large part of my life. I lost far more than just beautiful memory making opportunities, I literally and figuratively lost parts of myself. I lost 7 centimeters of my left breast. I lost a few sentinel lymph nodes and I lost ALL my hair. I lost my belief in myself that I am "Superwoman". I lost the idea that I could take care of myself. I lost a huge amount of pride, in more ways than I care to share. I lost some brain cells and memory function. I'm sure there's more that I lost, I just can't recall at the moment.

And what I gained...

I gained the wisdom that the amount of pride I had was unnecessary and unhealthy for any one person to carry around. I learned humility. I learned that it is ok for it to be all about me sometimes. I learned how to ask for help and how to accept it. I saw how good it makes the people who care about you feel to be able to comfort you in some way. I gained a sense of peace and a much needed balance.

I gained the priceless realization that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was and that I am much more positive than I ever realized. I learned that people think I am inspiring. That awes me and humbles me even more.

Life' Lessons...

Every bit of cutting, every single ounce of poisoning and every inch of burn ultimately left me with such beautiful rewards. Why would I possibly choose to reflect merely on just the ugly scars left behind? Instead, I choose to look ahead.

Had cancer not found me, caught me , grabbed hold of me and forced me to learn some of life's lessons in a mighty way, I may never have seen my reflection as I do now. In the end, I gained the realization that I am Super Woman, Wonder Woman, the Incredible Hulk, Mighty Mouse and Under Dog all combined in one mighty and magnificent package labelled ME! I learned that I am a Survivor and a Warrior.

I am relieved that 2008 is over but mostly, I am incredibly relieved and grateful that my cancer is gone and that 2009 started off belonging to me!

Cheers and here's to good health and happiness!