Today officially marks my half way point through chemo. 6 weeks have passed and in 6 more weeks I will have completed my chemotherapy treatment. Admittedly I have not done much in the way of keeping people up to date (blogging) throughout this first half of my treatment but for that matter I have not done much of anything during these past 6 weeks. I am often left with no other choice than to remind myself that I am not only a survivor, but that I am still a cancer patient. Mentally accepting my limitations has proven to be more difficult than physically undergoing treatment. I know that in itself that is a blessing.
The chemo has been tolerable, and considering what it is, I would dare to say that it has actually been bearable though the process has not been uncomplicated. In 6 weeks not only have I had 2 rounds of chemo but I have also had 2 emergency room visits due to fevers, one resulting in a 4 day stay. I have developed acid reflux due to the chemo which until diagnosed was quite painful and made it even more difficult than it had already been for me to get a restful night's sleep. I have also developed hives from what they believe to be either a "chemo rash" or an allergic reaction to one of the many medications I am on. The treatment for that is yet another medication which treats the symptoms, not the cause. My hot flashes have become "inferno" surges due to the steroids I am on.
As a course of my treatment, on the day following my chemo I have to inject a medication in my stomach in an attempt to prevent nuetropenia (the cause of my fever and hospital stay). The Lunasta didn't prevent me from developing a fever after either of my treatments but it did significantly help in regenerating my white blood cells and thereby reducing my level of illness. With that end result in mind, I'm sure the side affect is worth the benefit; after about the 4th day of the injection I experience an excruciating amount of joint and bone pain which lasts about 5 days.
I sometimes look at my body or physically feel the affects of all of this treatment and wonder whose body it is that I am now occupying. It doesn't look nor feel like the one I welcomed 2008 with. I am tired in so many ways, achy in so many places, have more weight, less energy and no hair. My life feels as though it has been put on hold. It is difficult to plan anything wether it be tomorrow or next week due to the lack of energy, presence of illness or need to be at a doctor's office. In many ways I feel disconnected from the "outside world". That in itself is a huge adjustment for me, unless of course it's on a day when I simply don't have enough energy to even care. What has remained constant though are my attitude and determination. I have known all along that the one thing I can determine and control each day is my attitude.
I realize that the previous paragraphs each contain something negative and lack many, if any, positive balances, They may even perhaps sound a bit whiny but in truth what I have shared are merely the recent facts of my life, some of the consequences of my cancer and the affects of my treatment. Up until this point I don't know that I have simply admitted that this has not been easy for me - physically, emotionally or mentally. I have purposely (and hopefully eloquently ;0) portrayed the positive, informative, medical and sometimes even humorous side of my journey. When I began my blog, the true purpose of it was to share this journey with those that read it. It was my means of passing along the information I received as well as share how I am.
The past 6-7 months, 3 lumpectomies and 2 cycles of chemo have not been easy but I know that they have been necessary to rid my body of breast cancer. With 2 additional cycles of chemo remaining over the course of the next 6 weeks and then an additional 6 weeks of radiation still ahead of me, I write this as much for you as I do for myself. It is vital that I remind myself that I AM halfway through chemo, and technically much farther along than halfway through treatment considering the first medical procedure was in December. Wow! What a happy ending! This blog really is good for me! ;0)
